My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
