It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
