I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
