This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
