I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
