The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
