So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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