Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
