no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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