i just google imaged poop.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize