we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
