If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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