The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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