The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
