I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
