...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
