you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
