How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
