I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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