She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
