I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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