I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
