3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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