We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
