I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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