apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
