somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
