i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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