ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
