she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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