Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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