You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
