Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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