there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
