I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
