last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
