This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
