fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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