Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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