trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
