im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
