Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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