Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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