I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
