I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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