I accidentally had phone sex last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
