he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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