Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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