If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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