was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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