Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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