That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
