Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
