hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
