You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
