I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
