I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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