You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
