I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
